Re-Orientation

Dear readers, please forgive my month-long hiatus! I have been ill for a time and struggling with various shadows, but I am beginning to emerge and I take up my metaphorical pen again to address the intricacies of life.

In my absence, I have sat upon a windy hilltop and let the sun warm my face as the wind tossed my hair into my eyes. I have sat at the piano and sight-read pretty (and challenging) tunes as the mood struck me.  I have roasted garlic and turned it into a delicious, soothing soup. I have woken in the wee hours of the morning to pouring rain and lain in silence, listening. I have chortled over silly verses from my childhood in the pages of a leather-bound library book. I have dazzled an impromptu crowd with my newly-acquired fiddling repertoire.  I have wept, and cried, and sobbed for grief, for love, for memory. I have sketched a melody for instrumental accompaniment for a new song.

So yes, I have lived. I may not have written anything here during all that time, but I was most certainly alive.

"The human experience" is a phrase so commonly invoked, yet its meaning is incredibly diverse and complex. We often speak of universal themes and typical events, yet on an individual basis we often feel alone and confused by the unique expressions involved in our existence.  I could keep on generalizing, but the experience I know best is my own.  Paradoxes have always fascinated me, perhaps most strongly because of the very nature of their reality: a contradiction which reveals a truth. My discovery of my humanity has resulted in the realization of multiple paradoxes or opposing dynamics which coexist in one nature.  I maintain the belief and disposition towards good which is inherent in my nature, though my flaws and weaknesses may tempt me to evil and distrust of others. Humility and self-esteem need not wrestle for dominance, for in fact they can walk hand-in-hand... yes, I am weak and little, and yet I am loved as I am and for who I am. This is the beautiful truth of God's love for me and all human beings. 

Human love can be inspired, uplifted and purified by Divine Love.  I am learning to love until it hurts, and that love without sacrifice is merely admiration or affection. There is a tipping point for the human heart, too, beyond which I can enter into a deeper level of regard and goodwill for another person.  Love draws me out of myself, away from self-pity and vanity and allows me to flourish in serving others. When I love, I can be more considerate, more productive, more creative and more joyful by giving and sharing with others. Life should be loved, not merely lived, because it is too short to die.